I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
