it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
