Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
