May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
