I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
