once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Still dying that you shit outside
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
