She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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