she sounds like chewbacca in bed
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize