Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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