dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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