maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
