I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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