Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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