I'm gonna have a badass scar
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
