i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
