I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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