So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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