what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
