I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
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