just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
