Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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