dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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