I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
