My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
