so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
