Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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