I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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