You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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