two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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