bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
