Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
