I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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