Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
