Joe is yelling at the trees again.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
