So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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