I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Mom said you looked used
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
