I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
