yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
