Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I've blown a few things in my day
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
