Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
