I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
