I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
