PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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