ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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