Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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