Welp...herpes.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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