i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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