His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
