My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
