You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
