Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
