hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
