All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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