How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Randomize
