At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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